I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
