Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
