not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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