Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
