Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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