like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
