whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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