Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
