Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
third nipple confirmed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
