Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
