You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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