I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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