His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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