Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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