he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
