sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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