ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
