Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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