My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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