i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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