She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
