I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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