Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
