now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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