The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
