p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
