i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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