Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i drank out of a bidet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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