i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
