Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
