Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
