I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
