at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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