I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
