I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am naked and annoyed.
I love you. Go after that dick
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
