a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found the puke drawer
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
