Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The air taste purple.
Randomize
