Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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