Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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