it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
