im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
