I hate all girls vehemently.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
