just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
