I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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