You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
