there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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