Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
