shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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