dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
