I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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