Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
