I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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