Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
