He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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